Tuesday, June 13, 2006

The Correct Spelling Of Sensationalisation

I am extremely sorry. I do not look for sensationalisation. I can't even spell it. But people don't believe me. They allege that for a few lousy clicks, I lace my titles with racy material like, " The milk factories of Netherland" or some such stuff. Very untrue. In fact to refrain all immoral and libidinous (I expect that this word has negative connotations) persons from opening this, I am determined to use a misleading title. But the fact remains, that some of the news most worth listening to seems to be the ones that you don't want your children to listen to.

Speaking of News, Yesterday was a watershed in Indian News History. This is Rakhi Sawant . I know that these pictures tell an otherwise story, but people in India actually have been known to form lines to kiss her. Apparently yesterday somebody did. As I was doing my regular flick through ESPN on Ch 9 to Star Sports on Ch 32, I saw breaking news on Aaj Tak : "Mika Kisses Rakhi Sawant!" I naturally stopped what I was doing, tried to focus on what was going, and resigned myself to a long watch of the News channel.

For some strange reason, while you had captions flying across the screen that "Mika had kissed Rakhi Sawant", on the screen you had Rakhi Sawant who was kissing the weird looking guy, who was later identified as Mika. Now who the hell is Mika? This fact was not touched upon. Evidently I was one of the only people in the world who had to Google to find out, that Mika is actually the brother of the pop singer Daler Mahendi. On the screen, a teary eyed Rakhi gave the teary eyed explanation, " Well I only kissed him on his cheeks, but then he forcibly kissed me on my lips. Look what the conditions of my lips has become." The camera dutifully zooms-in on Rakhi Sawants bountiful lips, that frankly don't look much worse then they always looked.

Remember that zombie movie in which this guy is flicking channels and he keeps seeing zombies in the network and then it all turns out to be true? This was that sort of a twilight zone. I was hoping that either someone would wake me up, or at least someone, even the news reporter would kiss someone else.

But then if wondering if things could get any more extreme, Aaj Tak took us Live to Ms Rakhi. She was standing in a Modestly see-through outfit, mouthing drab statements like, "I look hot in anything. I think I look more hot and sexy in a sari then in a Mini skirt. I am hot sexness godess personified." Sadly She was interrupted in this tirade of her good looks by the Interviewer, as he informed her that her tormentor, the greatly lip attacker, person of unshaven countenance, Mika, was on the line. Rakhi boldly puckers her lips and shouts out "Hello? hello?" On the other side, this voice that assures us that the term "Highly disfigured" can apply to a sound, says, "hello? Hello?"

This goes on for some time. Before the Interviewer tells us that we sadly have to take a break while they restore connection. On the bottom the news ticker keeps telling us other minor news items like people dying, and earthquakes shaking and volcanoes exploding and that usual chatter.

I am sadly not going to tell you how it all ended. I am sure that they are going to make a tear jerker , pressing-your-fingers-in-tension-till-they-turn-white type of movie, and I don't want to be a spoilsport. But the fact is that they did talk and reach a sort of an understanding. I think this is revolutionary. Not only was Aaj Tak reporting the news, but it was also making it and shaping it. Imagine the implications. If only kargil had happened today, Mushy and Atal ji would be slogging it out live on the news shouting at each other.

AtalJi would muster up his breath and shout, "Hello? Hello? Musharaf Ji, you will have to say say sorry. Hello? Hello?"


Richard Grabman said...

Velu -- you're a sailor, and as such entitled to (and expected to) use a "colorful" vocabulary.

I ran across your site by lucky accident, bookmarked it and check regularly. Always something interesting.

Velu said...

Thanks richard. Much appreciate it. :)