Friday, September 29, 2006

Jerry Springer and Indian Biker Daddy's

Or Riding on bikes with Daddy - II

So where was I? Yes For some reason, I had drifted over to talking about riding with dad on the Vijay Super. It is probably a good thing that I stopped then, because I would inevitably have then drifted on to how in a darstedly move, he sold off the beauty to some milkman for 40 USD before my 18th birthday when I was out at sea. A occasion of great tragedy, which I never refer to except when I am listing out points that I never refer to.

So the point was this. Indians travel everywhere with their daddy on a two wheeler. They travel in front, behind, and in some Indian vehicles, even above or below their esteemed fathers. But under no circumstances will you ever see an Indian riding alongside his father.

The reasons for this are not hard to understand once you try to the understand the sociological ethos and the root of all traditions of the nation. It would be a gross insult and a tragedy of unmigitated sadness if proper protocol were not to be followed while in transit of a beautiful woman.

Consider this situation. As you are driving past in your two wheeler in all your splendor, you spot at 1 o clock, a vision in blue. Now if you are driving the bike, then you honk on the horn with vigor appropriate to the vision-ness of the particular vision.

Not everyone is gifted with daddy's who are fighter pilots. As a result, most of my friends were stuck behind dad's on slow moving scooters. This can prove very advantageous as the time of impact can sometimes last a lifetime. The potent weapons in the hands of young teenagers can range from simple glances to more complicated maneuvers involving the tongue and drool.

But if you thought that growing up was the only exciting period in the life of us scooter bound nation, you are much mistaken, as we grew up, we grew wings of our own. We took on more responsibility and once we went into our twenties, some of us could even stay out of home till nine in the night after taking permission from mummy. In such an open and free atmosphere, we would take to the streets on motorbikes in groups of two three or even more depending on the width of the roads where we would ride parallel to each other.

You see, because India is a free and democratic country, we even have a right of equality as a fundamental right. As a result you will find as a rule that Indian men when driving bikes in groups, will always ride them parallel to each other. While they are doing this, they will also engage in other things like talk to each other, talk to each other that their cell phone is ringing, talk to each other that they are talking to each other on the cell phone, and talk to each other that while they are talking to each other on the mobile phone various things like cows are heading in their direction. I think this is directly a result of our nice history. One of my friend went to Pakistan and he tells me that there people drive in a V-formation and the people behind the leader constantly try to put a stick in his wheel.

But we are deviating from the topic. So as I was telling you, when we would take to the roads in parallel formation, we would learn the true value of stubtle. For example, when ever we would pass a white woman, we would shout, "Dekho dekho! Gori!" (Look look! White woman!) while honking and pointing fingers. After all it was understood by us that making lewd gestures with our tongues did not substantially enhance our chances of scoring and yet often would give us sore tongues.

I am sorry, but we Indians can do no such thing when accompanied with our fathers. It is against our ethic, our fabric of society and all of those things. It is simply unacceptable. I know you white people think that father is a friend and all that. I saw in TV this show called "jerry Springer" that sometimes fathers are even more then friends. But I am sorry, even Jerry Springer refuses to ride motorcycles with his daddy.

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